Update - New Job, No Longer A SB

It's been almost 3 months since my last update I think... Since then I found a decent paying job and I started around July. It was an adjustment working 8 hours a day again but I got used to it by now and I know that I am extremely lucky to have found a job at all in this economy. I like my new job and their paying me $23 an hour which is very good considering I don't have a degree and there is room for advancement as well. Since I started working I never bother to log in SA or even read sugar baby blogs anymore; I am simply too tired after work and I have no will to be in that world anymore. The only reason why I even dabbled in the world because I was literally going hungry and negative in the bank but now that I have a job I don't care at all about wealthy men, or a man buying me a pair of new shoes or dinner. I would much rather buy it myself and be by myself and tell all men to go fuck themselves. I actually dislike dating and rich men, I only "tried" it (and that's putting it loosely) only out of desperation.

I moved out of my apt and live with roommates now so my rent is cheap too, like super cheap so I don't have much bills except for some debt (actually a rather big debt).

Other than that I don't think I will be a sb ever again unless I lose my job or if I get into desperate straits again. It's just not for me. I don't enjoy dating and I don't enjoy being "friendly" and "flirty" with guys. I'd rather have the opportunity to earn my own money and tell them all to fuck off and not have to be nice to anyone.

Working is hard; I wake up around 6:15 AM every morning, my commute is around 25 min. I work from 8-5 and don't get home till 6pm every night but I'm making my own money and don't have to do things that I don't want to for money.

The pay-for-play SD texted me a few days ago and I just deleted it. No need to see or associate with him anymore since I have a job now. My only motivation for seeing him was money, there was nothing else and he never treated me with much respect either so nothing lost there....

That's the end of my sb journey unless I fall into hard times again!

Disappointment

Remember that pot I talked about in my past topic about stating his worth 10-50 mil and earning 500k and up, the guy that owns a business that is being investigated by the atty general?

We have been talking on the phone and texting (my desperate and dire situation enabled me to get over my fear of talking on the phone) and when I asked about allowance he says he can do 1.5-3k because his business isn't doing too well... wtf? What do you guys think about this? Is that generous enough? It's better than nothing and it's a wide range too... There is a big difference between 1.5k and 3k. I told him how much my current rent was and that I might move in with roommates so it would be cheaper and he said "ok". He didn't even offer to help pay it or anything... lol Cheap ass.

He told me that he could only help me with the basic necessities but not the "luxurious life" and if I was looking for that then I was talking to the wrong guy. He said his business dropped in income a lot and he lost a lot of money etc. He doesn't fly from Vegas to LA but drives because flying is expensive. I realize that the reason why SD's are wealthy is because they know how to manage their money but still... I just checked on Expedia and flights are around $185 including taxes and fees. Not exactly a small fortune! Plus he asked me if I wanted to drive to him to Vegas!!! Umm no! I want a rich SD with lots of money for true spoiling! I believe that at one point he WAS worth 10-50 mil but not anymore.

He is actually very similar to me except on a different scale; someone who used to make a lot of money but not anymore due to whatever reasons. He is legitimate; he is all over news sites and was even featured in the local news for his bad business dealings. I am surprised that he is still even in business at all. I never mentioned that I googled him but he brought up the fact that he lost a lot of homes and assets to the government etc and had a bankruptcy (I believe it was corporate, not personal). I'm not sure though but it matched up with everything I read about him. He's not a super rich daddy, only able to provide for the bare necessities of life. I'm broke so I suppose that's better than nothing.

I texted the guy with the home theater store who wanted p4p and he didn't write back.

Also, just curious, do your SD's text you constantly? I don't have time for this, texting with guys I'm not that into all day long... It's a pain. How do I get them to not text me as much. I need my own life.

Update... the SD says he will be in LA tomorrow, should I even bother to meet him????

I'm not attracted to him and when he told me he wanted to kiss me from head to toe and everywhere in between I felt nauseous... I'd rather have him just have sex and get down to business. I don't want to be be "kissed everywhere" by him :(

More updates, pots, p4p wanna be daddys and more!

So the "sd" I was talking about in the previous post has been completely ignoring my texts, looks like he was looking for a two-time thing or a cheap thrill. No loss to me.

I have been chatting with a new guy from SA and he told me he owned a car service business. He gave me a # and I googled him and wow, he owns this huge chain of stores with over 100 locations throughout various states. He put his income as 500k-1mil and net worth between 10-50 mil and after reading up on his business I actually believe it! I was hesitant at first cause his spelling wasn't too great. He is also not the typical SD who is well educated, this guy didn't go to college, but that's fine by me! His business is actually being investigated for shady sales tactics for over billing customers by the state but a SD's business ethics doesn't really bother me. At least he is who he says he is. As long as he isn't being investigated for murder or kidnapping etc his business dealings are his own business. He comes to LA weekly so hopefully we meet soon! This guy I think has a better chance of becoming a "real SD" and not really p4p. He has his allowance range stated between 3-5k. Now that's what I'm talking about, much better than these $400 each time dudes...

Now there is this other guy that messaged me tonight and said "I am ready to spoil you TONIGHT! I will spoil you $$$ and you spoil me with XOXOX" obviously looking for p4p. He offered $400 and I could go "shopping" in his electronic store. If I do I will just pick something with high resale value to sell on ebay since I don't need anything. I will keep him in mind, maybe for this weekend. I'm not sure though. I don't want to do it but damn I am broke! He is better than than the first p4p guy I met with because this guy has his own store so I won't have to "host", thankfully. He sent me his picture and I'm not really attracted to him, but what can you expect...

Another weird thing happened. I applied for a job in the "gigs" category of CL for a modeling/hostess job at a local club and the guy emailed me saying the job was already taken but IF I was interested he would be interested in an arrangement with me!! He said he will offer $2k a month but he will expect to see me twice a week! (Just sex). No dining, getting to know each other etc. Well 2k sounds good but 2k divided by 8 (sessions a month) amounts to a paltry $250 each time! That's as bad as low-end escort! Come one, I'm desperate and I need ALL THE HELP I CAN GET, but fucking is a lot of work (when it's with someone you don't truly like and don't enjoy) and for only $250 each time?? It's better than a minimum wage job but ugh.... He is not willing to negotiate at all. What do you guys think about this offer?

Off topic but I just went to Target today and got a bunch of food. Everything is so cheap there! Much cheaper than Vons etc. For example, they have Breyers ice cream for just $2.79 and I had a coupon off for .75 cents off so it was just $2.04! I think at Vons it goes for like $5.74 or somewhere in that range. Anyways, yea, I'm happy cause I got some cheap food. I spent only $24 and got a bunch of stuff to last me a week and a half or perhaps longer! lol

One of my hobbies is eating, I truly love to eat and I love everything at this store called Trader Joe's. I think it's only available in certain states but I love almost everything they have!

And even though I'm broke, I have been receiving lots of great high-end makeup lately courtesy of "swapping" on MakeupAlley. It's a process where you trade products that you no longer use or like for items that you really want. I have no problem using someone's used blush or eye shadow, I'm just not a germ or clean freak and don't mind used stuff. I have been loving Cargo blushes lately, just as much as my NARS ones. I received "The Big Easy" and I love it. Ironic thing is my blush collection is getting huge from swapping even though I'm broke. It only costs around $1.50 in postage per swap so it's not that bad... Plus once you get into it you can recycle bubble wrap and envelopes that others have sent you so there is no cost besides the postage.

Immediate issue at hand, I have a bunch of checks still "pending"that have not cleared yet! And I have to pay rent on the 3rd at the latest! I want to buy a money order this time cause I'm afraid that if I write a check it might bounce because I have another recurring payment around the 1st... One that I absolutely cannot get out of! I have to wake up early and go to the bank but I'm not sure if they will let me buy a money order if everything hasn't cleared yet! And after I buy the money order I will have just like $20 left in the bank!

I thought about selling my car but I don't know if I should... When I purchased my car it was "certified pre-owned" and it was around 39-40k with tax. The thing is that back then I was making so much money that I paid for it in CASH. Not literally a bag of cash of course, but I paid it in one lump sum without financing anything (cause I had bad credit). Thinking back now, if I never purchased that car I would have another extra 40k in CASH that I could use. WTF was I thinking? 40k is equivalent to my current rent payment for 3.3 years!!!!!! I think I was a little bit influenced by my ex but I also honestly never expected to be so poor. Seriously. I didn't think it would be possible. I just checked CL and I see my model with the same mileage selling for around 13-14k . I'll have to buy a beater like a Civic or Accord car to drive around and if that car gives me mechanical problem I will have to spend money fixing it. Is it so terrible that I want to keep my luxury car even though I'm broke?? It's the only nice thing I have left and it reminds me of how my life once was and what I was able to accomplish. I don't know if I should sell it or keep it... It sounds terrible and shallow but driving my car makes me happy. Even though it's old now, it's no longer new (never was, I purchased it used), I still love my car and am attached to it.

Met first guy fron SA in person - All he wanted was p4p

I haven't updated in awhile. You guys probably thought the blog was dead or died out... Well, I'm still alive...

I am actually even more broke than before. I haven't found a job yet and since I am self-employed I don't qualify for unemployment. I basically stopped eating meat on some days, have been eating lots of spaghetti but to be honest it gets kinda nauseating to eat the same thing over and over. I don't even know if I'm going to make rent on the 1st. My internet and cell could get cut any time. I do have some few business checks coming in but it's not much. A few weeks ago my bank account actually went negative and I had to put in some $ I got from a SD in order to get it in the positive again. Yes, I DID meet up with someone from SA and will tell you guys all about it later on in this post. Once my lease expires here (I'm in a 1br apartment by myself), I think I will have to "rent a room" or live with a roommate somewhere. I can't afford my rent anymore (it's around 1k which isn't really that much, I just can't afford it). I will really miss cooking as when you rent a room, some places do not allow you to cook plus even if they did, I don't really feel comfortable cooking in someone else's kitchen anyways. I like having my own :(

I will also need to get rid of all my furniture and my dining table, perhaps sell it on CL or something.

Ok, so I met with the SD that was into p4p. I was super nervous and felt like throwing up. We met at a local shopping center. This SD was not looking for a real "arrangement" more like p4p, but honestly, it seems like the MAJORITY of guys on SA want p4p and not an arrangement, at least from my experience. It went ok, just basic conversation and I felt nervous being seen with a much older looking man. Later that night he texted that he wanted to meet up the next day and for me to give him a bj in the car in the morning. Ok, so I KNOW that this is NOT really "sugar dating" or an "arrangement" but more like a escort type thing I guess but I was hungry, I had no money for gas in my car, less than $300 in the bank with no friends and family to turn to for help, so what choice did I have? I did it and strangely enough I didn't feel badly about it. The whole thing lasted about 3 minutes and after wards he dropped $400 cold hard cash in my purse. It was stack of 20's and the easiest money I have ever earned in my life. I didn't feel remorse or like I did anything wrong at all. I am an atheist and my morals are loose to begin with so I didn't feel much afterwards. First thing I did was go to the gas station to fill up my tank.

Afterwards he kept bombarding my with SEXTS, like texts messages but all sex related! Similar to the stuff Tiger was sexting to his mistresses.

He would text me stuff like "I want to tie you up and use toys on you and dildo your ass" (This doesn't offend me btw as I'm very open minded sexually) and stuff like "I want to cum all over your mouth" and "I want to fuck you in the ass". I had no problem with the text messages in regards to their content, it's just that they were going on ALL DAY and taking up way too much of my time and energy to text back. Now I know why he paid me $400, I was supposed to be at his beck and call and if I didn't respond right away he would text "Where are you? Are you awake yet?" It was exhausting.

I truly believe this guy is a sex addict and he's married too but neither are really my problems. He would drive from LA to OC (which is usually a 40min drive for me) in just 20 min for a bj and constantly sext ALL DAY LONG. I am amazed that he is actually able to be so successful and function when it seems like he is pre-occupied with sex and tying me up etc ALL DAY LONG!

He then wanted our second time to be in a hotel/motel. I felt a lot more nervous about this time than the previous one because I knew he wanted to go all the way. I was really nervous driving up there. He is really into S&M and bondage and using toys on me too. When I got there he handed me a huge bag of toys that he bought just for me. He asked beforehand what kind of toys I wanted and I told him but I didn't expect a huge bag like this. He used some toys one me and it was fine, I had an orgasm, not because of him but just because that's what my body does when it's stimulated.

The sex was bad, he couldn't even get hard. I think he has erectile dysfunction problems. He couldn't really get it inside of me and he was getting frustrated. It was painful actually, I think it's more painful when the guy can't get hard and it's like semi-soft and he is trying with all his might to "force" it in there. There's nothing pleasant about it. For some reason I felt miserable during the whole experience this time (even though I had an orgasm in the beginning). I still felt like I had to "earn" my money and like it wasn't as easy as the first time in the car. When all was said and done he gave me $400. I actually cried driving home (I don't really know why) but it was worth it because I NEEDED the money and I had to do what I had to do in order to stay alive. Unfortunately I don't have a network of family or even friends I can turn to. The only person I have to rely on is myself. Later when I went home and looked in the bag of toys I saw that he spent $158 on sex toys. I'd much rather have food (right now I need coffee, olive oil, chicken, ice cream etc). I am hungry and all I have is a bag worth of $158 of sex toys. Whoopdeedoo. I'd rather have clothes than a useless bag of toys.

I also noticed that this guy only texts me when he is super horny. After he "releases" I don't hear from him for days.

I don't know if this guy is super wealthy or whatever but I know he spends $400 each time like it's nothing, $400 is not a big deal to him. He also walks around carrying a huge wad of cash. He works in real estate development... I felt like the second time he really treated me as a whore, when it was done I just walked out. There isn't a mutual caring, friendship, connection, chemistry or anything else there, just sex, which makes me a whore pretty much. Ultimately I WOULD like a SD where we would have more of a connection but beggars and can't be choosers. I just had to do what I had to in that moment and so I did.

The problem with this dude is that he now wants me to "host" as he doesn't like hotels. I am SO not comfortable with that since I live alone plus my apartment unit is at an angle and one of my neighbors always has his door open and can see me walking in and out. My neighbor KNOWS that I have no social life and that hardly ANYONE comes over, they WOULD notice if all of a sudden I came home with an old white man. Besides, I want to separate my home life from this other life. I feel that it's completely unrealistic for him to expect me to host. He had the nerve to tell me that he will pay me $400 and I could use that to pay for the hotel/motel myself! WTF! A motel is probably at least $70 or so, so I would net $300 something from fucking him... It's already bad enough that he wants p4p and pays me only $400 each time, which isn't that much money but to ask me to pay for the room? My life sucks. I am so broke and desperate I might actually consider it. I think most motels are pretty expensive where I live, the one where we met up at was around $70.

Right after I did it I felt "surreal" like I can't really believe that I did that. In a way I felt sad because I felt like I don't have what it takes to make it out in the big world out there alone, I had to resort to the only asset I have, my body. I sort of feel like people would be "shocked" if they knew what I did. And in a weird way it also makes me feel like I will never deserve "true love" from a guy because of what I did but to be honest, I already felt that I would never be "loved" even BEFORE any of this. I can rationalize it sort of by thinking that most guys have fucked a whore at some point, whether in Vegas or Amsterdam, or most guys have had lots of sex partners etc, so why does it make me so much worse just because I got paid? No one will understand how desperate I was at that moment. In a way I am sort of "broken" and "emotionally damaged" inside BEFORE I ever met this SD. My ex bf screwed me over by stealing money from me, hitting me, choking me etc, so my way of rationalizing it now is if I'm going to give sex or my attention I might as well get paid for it. In the past when I gave my heart in return I got beaten up and abused by my ex and not only did I not get paid, but he TOOK money from me. (At least 15k worth throughout 2 years and that is not a joke).

A LOT of the guys on SA that I have run into are looking into p4p and looking for me to "host" because they are married. I KNOW this isn't really sugar dating and more akin to being a whore, I just don't have time to look for a real SD at this moment, especially with me not even knowing if I can make rent, etc.

Out of that $800 I got from that guy I spent $280 on car registration at the dmv and you know what, that wasn't even enough. My car registration is $400 something now because I was late! I still owe the dmv an additional $180! I deposited $260 in my bank account in order to get it out of negative. I spent $15 on a coffee machine. I spent $17 on a cheap ass rice cooker because my old one broke. I then brought $6 worth of chicken at Trader Joe's, Red Thai curry sauce, some fresh veggies (haven't had those in a LONG time), some bread, $1.99 on a dozen eggs. At least $40 in gas.

It's not even about luxuries, it's just what I needed simply to stay alive so I don't die and I hardly have any of the money left, I just have around $75 left and I still don't have enough to pay the dmv, cell, internet bill (just $45, I canceled cable tv, can't afford it!) and rent on the 1st!

I ran out of chicken so for dinner I just had basmatic rice from Trader Joe's with some spices in there with sauteed broccoli and cauliflower in curry sauce. No money for meat! I was still hungry and craving something sweet and I have a big box of pancake mix so I made pancakes and ate that with syrup for desert. Ugh, my life sucks. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother since I don't really have anything to fight for, except my own survival. I have no kids (don't want any), and no family really, not much friends. What am I struggling so much for?

No updates because there's no news!

Sorry for the lack of updates, there just hasn't been anything new going on at all. My life is not exciting and I haven't met up with any SD's or gone on any dates whatsoever. I stopped talking to the SD that wanted p4p; I just started to wait a day or so before responding to his e-mails and now I completely stopped. If I was super duper desperate and couldn't make my rent and it was life or death (it's getting close but not yet) I will contact him again.

To be honest I haven't even been logging into SA anymore. I have decided I'm going to apply at this restaurant where you supposedly can make a lot of tips if you're attractive and well-endowed. I don't want to say the name of the place but you're supposed to have big juggs when working there. I don't have any boobies but when I wear the Miraculous Bra from VS it turns my A cups to C cups and I look huge. I will have to apply soon and if I get the job then I won't sugar date at all. I will only sugar date as a last resort because I feel like it really isn't for me. It was fun reading different blogs and hearing how SD's would buy sugarbabies all this stuff and I think that made me want to get into the whole sugar world. I just don't have the personality for it.

I'm not too thrilled about applying at that place either but I guess I don't have a choice. It's one of those jobs where you have to kiss ass and really flirt with the customers and be friendly for tips but at least I won't have to have sex with anyone. Even that job would be hard for me because I hate flirting with guys and I'm not a naturally "bubbly" and "friendly" type of person; I'm the quiet, brooding, timid, shy type. I guess I will have to just suck it up and deal with it. That is, if I even get hired. Well, I'll try to go in tomorrow so wish me luck!

Sugar Dating Is A lot Of Work :(

Regular dating is already a lot of work too but sugar dating is worse. I have a date tomorrow but I'm gonna cancel it because I have a dentist appointment right before and I won't be able to make it in time.

The reason why I think sugar dating is a lot of work is because it takes a lot of effort to go through the trouble of driving somewhere to meet someone that I'm not that into, be forced to actually talk to them and make conversation when nothing is even guaranteed. Like it's not enough to just meet them, now I have to ensure there is "chemistry" and keep working it until the SD is willing to give me my allowance. No matter what happens I am NEVER going to truly like a SD. I don't have any respect for guys who are cheaters, which the majority of the SD's are, plus I don't have any respect really for a guy who thinks he can "buy" a woman. Back when I was making good money I actually DISLIKED men with money. I always thought they were more arrogant, had a sense of entitlement and thought they were hot stuff just because they had some money. Whoopdeedoo.

Actually, if I was looking for true love, I would never aim for someone who was super wealthy or rich. I have a theory that wealthier men are more likely to cheat because they have more options. Most men really are only as faithful as their options. I think that if you marry a wealthy man you WILL have the good life, just don't be surprised when your husband has ten mistresses on the side. That's not true love to me. I would rather be with a poor guy whom I really cared about. The reason why I'm getting into the SD thing is because I have no one, no boyfriend, no significant other PLUS I'm broke and in debt as hell.

I think I just kind of hate the world right now, or mainly hate most guys out there so I'm just going to see "what I can get out of it" for myself, but I can guarantee that I will never feel anything for these guys. That's why it's so much work for me. Ugh.

I suck at sugar dating. So far I haven't gone on one date yet. Mr Adult Play will want to meet soon I think. I don't know if I can go through with that either. Ugh.

For Valentines I didn't do anything. I don't care about Valentines day at all, don't celebrate it. I'm not the romantic, sentimental type. I don't get why some people are so needy that they can't even spend Valentines day alone but have to spend it with their friends etc. I feel like if you truly didn't care about V-day, then it wouldn't matter who you spent it with because it would be a day just like any other day, without any significance or meaning to it. For me, it's just another day and I could really give a rat's ass about it.

Still haven't found a job yet. This really sucks. I think looking for a job on-line is too competitive. I think people who post ads for jobs are probably bombarded with 1000's of e-mails and probably won't even read through all of them. It was much easier back when most people applied through the newspaper. Anyone have any tips on a high paying career yet? If you do let me know...

More Pots!

I have new pots in the works! I was putting all my eggs in one basket and just concentrating on Mr Adult Play but I don't know if I feel entirely comfortable with his deal. He is just looking for sex and "1 hour meetings" throughout the week. He even wrote in one of his e-mails "So what happens if we meet up and like each other? Do we just go off somewhere and fuc*?!" lol I told him I don't do it on the first date. This guy sounds like too much work for me. He also told me he is "well endowed" which I actually don't like. Me being a petite sugar babe, I like guys who are average etc lol I don't need a guy with a massive member pounding me to death. Too much work! lol

One of the other pots I have is an older guy who wants to meet on Tuesday. I told him I would go but I don't know yet if I have what it takes to go through with it. It depends on how I feel on that day, I might get too scared and back out :( He is comfortable with an allowance in the 1-3k range and emphasized he does NOT want an escort, which works out just great for me. I haven't had the chance to purchase a pre-paid phone or a trac phone yet so I feel a bit hesitant about giving my real number to him. I will try to get one tomorrow or monday. I don't want to give out my real number because I know anyone can do a reverse trace and find out my real name which is VERY unusual. I don't want my real identity linked to any of this!

Ok and another pot e-mailed from SA (also an older guy) and he is also looking for "afternoon delights" and he is also in my area. I told him to e-mail me photos and more info. I suppose a lot of these men are married and just want "afternoon sex".

I also made a profile at sugardaddie.com and so far I received 76 e-mails! A lot of those are "hot lists" notifications though and not actual messages. That site seems to have a lot more activity than SA. I can't read any messages though because I don't have a membership and don't want to pay $20. Is that site even worth it? It seems like a lot of guys there have low incomes, really low six figures etc. Sorry but that is not a sugar daddy to me. As broke as I am I wouldn't even bother with that... I need me some real sugar...

I really miss my fwb/bootycall "college guy". Messing around with him always felt comfortable and safe, like "comfort sex" I guess. I always knew what to expect and I always felt safe and never pressured to do anything. He was also a great kisser. I don't think I will ever feel that way about anyone else again.

It's Saturday night and I'm at home doing nothing. I have no life. I am going to do some work for my work/business at home. Then watch tv. Cook spaghetti. Browse more jobs on-line and apply. And that's about it for me. Sad life huh? Did the same thing last night too btw.

For all you sb's in college, do you mind posting what field you are studying/majoring in? I just need some ideas and I find it interesting to know what everyone is majoring in...

So, what do you think of this offer ?

I have only been talking to one SD through e-mail so far. I am thinking I may have picked the wrong one though. I am thinking he just wants sex only and nothing else. I am going to call him "Adult Play SD", because he told me that's the type of arrangement he is looking for, an "adult" one, meaning very sexual. I am ok if an arrangement is strongly based on sex, however, I don't want to feel like an escort though with one hour "meetings" twice a week.

He told me he would want to meet 2x a week for one hour each during the afternoon and then pay me 3k a month in allowance. I am pretty sure sex is expected each time. I am seriously broke right now and in danger of not being able to pay the rent and bills for the next few months... What do you guys think, do you think I should meet up with him and entertain the offer?

In a way I like not having to spend a ton of time with him. I don't enjoy traveling with a SD. I love traveling alone or with friends but the thought of going with a SD makes me uncomfortable. I also feel uncomfortable eating in fancy restaurants etc. So I suppose quick meetings twice a week would be ideal. I just don't want to head into escort territory!

I know some girls say "Well if you like him then go for it"! The only problem is that I don't like ANY of the sd's, I'm pretty much money motivated. If I had money I wouldn't bother with SD or dating anyone. I would be happy spending my evenings at home surfing the net and eating dinners by myself and watching movies by myself. I only got into this world because I'm broke.

I REALIZE that's not a good idea. I'm well aware of the fact that most SB's are NOT broke and have great incomes and don't NEED SD sugar but only use it to supplement theirs; a little icing on the cake if you will. And I realize most SB's genuinely like their SD's or like something about him.

As for me I'm in a bit different situation.

I just e-mailed him and asked him point blank if he was looking for sex only or if he wanted an arrangement based on anything else. I also told him point blank that I prefer not to do p4p because it would make me feel like a whore. I think he's fine with giving me a weekly allowance btw, I still think that combined with twice a week meetings of one hour is very "Escort-ish" like.

So what do you think of this offer? I have a strong intuition that the offer I outlined is heading towards p4p type of direction. I'm semi-desperate though. Do I take it? What do I do??

The Obligatory "About Me" And Things I like...

On every sugar blog I see people describing themselves a bit and mention a few of the things they like so here is mine. Hopefully this will put a more positive vibe on my blog because I realize I sounded really negative in my two previous posts.

I have long black hair with side swept bangs and I'm a shorty, I'm barely 5ft tall and I weigh around 90lbs... lol It sounds like I'm super skinny but I'm not, I'm just naturally really small boned and I have a tiny frame. I have plenty of meat on my bones. I would look a lot more fit and toned if I worked out but I'm just too lazy and depressed these days to care much.

I love makeup and clothes even though I'm broke right now so buying new clothes is not a priority for me. As for makeup, I have enough to last me for years so my face will still look good no matter how much poorer I get :) My favorite foundation is MakeupForever HD and Makeupforever Face & Body and I always apply it with the Sephora 55 hd brush. I always set my makeup with MAC MSF powder and Makeupforever HD powder. My favorite blushes are NARS and I always apply my blushes with a skunk brush (MAC 187) because the colors are so pigmented . I love Nars Deep Throat, Torrid, Orgasm and Luster. I also love Too Faced bronzers, they are really awesome for pale girls! As for glosses I tend to use MAC lipglasses the most and I will use my YSL Golden Glosses for special occasions. As for mascara I can use any kind as long as I use my Shiseido mascara base, it really makes a difference. I am obsessed with the site Makeupalley. I spend hours on there reading reviews and you can also swap makeup there which is great for me as I have no money right now. So if there's a particular blush I want I can just swap it for an item that I want to get rid off all for the price of just postage. That's beauty on a budget :)

As for clothes, I can't really afford to buy any new ones right now :( I do have some nice stuff that I purchased in the past when I was making good money. I have a few Nanette Lepore pieces, mainly silky blouses and tops that I love. I have a lot of Bebe stuff mainly because it's easy for me to find my size there plus their stuff is not very expensive. Well, it's expensive to me NOW because I'm broke but in general it's not as expensive as the more high end stuff but it still looks pretty glam. I used to do a lot of online shopping. My favorite retailers were reolveclothing and shopbop.

My favorite jeans are my J Brand 10" skinny jeans. I have three pairs and I wear them over and over and over! They look great with boots or with peep toe heels.

I think I need to meet the SD soon that I have been chatting with in e-mail. I don't want him to think that I'm playing games or wasting his time. I'm just very "scared" and nervous about meeting new people. I'm probably a lot more anxious than the regular person. I could really use the allowance too.

My favorite food is sushi, I haven't eaten it for almost three weeks now and I really miss it! I'm trying to save $! I love ordering sushi to go and eating it at home while reading blogs and forums online. That's my favorite thing to do; eat while surfing! I could get a SD to treat me to some sushi but I don't think I would enjoy it as much with him. I enjoy food the most when eating it alone surfing the net! lol Not when I'm stressed having to talk to some guy and wondering if I have food stuck to my teeth :( I actually feel a bit self-conscious eating in front of people.

I don't have a ton of girlfriends although I wish I did. Maybe I can meet some here through sugaring :) Some girls are probably put off a bit by me because I'm a bit negative sometimes; I don't want to get married, think all guys are cheaters and I feel very passionate about it so I will have a tendency to really want to prove my point. I think I also have problems making friends because I am so quiet and shy. I think girls either think I'm stuck up or really boring. I probably am a bit boring though. I can't help who I am, sorry I'm just not the life of the party!

I still haven't found a job yet. I have income coming in from my business but it's very low after income taxes and self employment taxes. I have been applying for office/admin type jobs, nightclub cocktail server, shot girl, jobs in affiliate marketing. Just about anything and I'm not hearing anything back! The only jobs I got a response from were weird ones in the "adult" section of CL hiring for a "sexy office assistant" for $20 an hour. I think these might be sugar daddy type ads. One of the guys said he was mainly looking for "eye candy" but the job was at night at his house! He wanted someone to assist him with internet research, take care of his pets, help with dinner.... WTF! Sounded kind of like a weirdo/really lonely person so I declined.

If you look in the adult section of CL and type in "office" you will find all sorts of strange office jobs that require a "sexy secretary", "must be open to pleasing the boss" etc, but they claim it also involves real job duties as well such as filing and data entry. Anyone have a clue what this is all about?

No Such Thing As A Happy Ending Or Fairy Tales

I have always had a negative attitude towards men ; "All men cheat" or "There's no point in getting married because you're just going to end up getting cheated on" etc and I think sugar dating will just make it worse since I am already SO jaded and cynical.

I don't believe in fairy tales. I never want to get married or have kids. I am older too, so it's not like I'm just 21 and saying this for shock value. I don't want to say my age, but let's just say I'm already out of my 20's :) I am not afraid to die alone. I've been alone for most of my life and don't have any girlfriends really. I know that I can't count on anyone except myself. If I were to fall I would have no safety net. If I don't make it in life then I might very well end up on the streets homeless; I have literally no one to "rescue" me, no one to pick me up, no family or friends for help and I'm proud that I have made it this far in life without falling yet.

I'm just afraid that Sugar Daddy dating will make me sort of "hate" men more than I already do because almost all of them are married. I don't understand why so many women want to get married. Your husband is most likely going to end up having sex with someone else on the side anyways. No thanks, I'd rather be alone.

One of the SD's I'm e-mailing wants to meet up soon. It's not a real date or anything, just a coffee date. I'm trying to postpone it for as much as I can. I hate blind dates and meeting new people, I have extreme anxiety just thinking about it and I can't drink to calm my nerves at all because I have to drive :(

I am really depressed, I need to find a job and it's so difficult right now. Does anyone have an idea of what is a potentially high earning career for someone who is poor in math and science? Unfortunately all of the high paying careers are all in engineering or medicine. If I was talented in those subjects I would go for one of those professions in a heartbeat. I can't even find a regular office job or receptionist type of position right now. It's so bad :( I'm so depressed all the time, I really miss the days when my business flourished and I didn't have to worry about money. I don't want to go into what type of business it is, but it's not profitable anymore and I'm unable to make it work today (it worked a few years ago). I was thinking of underwriting perhaps but I would need to get my foot in the door first by working as a loan processor but I can't find any jobs!

I hope I can find a SD who can hook me up with a real job. I have massive debts (not credit card related, something else which I don't want to mention on here) in excess of 20k which I'm making payments on :( I really regret not going back to school when I was making excellent money around three years ago. Back then I had money AND time. I really thought I was invincible and that my income would only go up and not down. I never imagined it would get to this point. I didn't save my money either, I purchased a luxury car (upfront with no payments) and bought a lot of clothes. I also lived in an expensive place and was throwing all my money away in rent. I've learned from all my mistakes and if I get a SD all my money will go back towards paying off my debt and living expenses, NOT clothes or makeup. I don't care anymore about shoes or clothes or makeup. I just need my basic expenses taken care of. I don't even want to dream about luxuries anymore, because that's all those items are now to me; just a dream :(

In my fairytale fantasy I would be with this particular younger guy (let's call him "CollegeBoy"), not an older SD. I love younger guys :) And I don't care if he is poor, I would be happy to be poor with him:) It's the truth. The only problem is that the younger guy that I am obsessed with doesn't feel the same way about me. He doesn't like me whatsoever (except for the sex). We're just each others bootycalls, we're not even friends. So since I can't have what I truly want and since I'm broke I decided to find me a SD. I really feel that if CollegeBoy would take me right now I would abandon all sugar hunting plans. I would give up everything for him, he just doesn't want me.

I've never had a bf who treated me well or bought me presents or gifts (not even for Christmas or my birthday). My ex was abusive and used to slap and choke me and on top of that we had terrible sex. So now I think if I'm going to give up some of my body to someone I might as well get something out of it. I pretty much have nothing to lose.

Sorry if my blog is so negative. I'll try to be more cheerful and positive next time. I'm just being honest when I write; it's how I feel and I guess I'm a depressed, negative person by nature :(

First Post , Do I Have What It Takes To Be A Sugarbaby?

I am slowly getting my feet wet into the sugar world. I'm probably not doing it for the right reasons (I'm broke and NOT attracted to older men at all) but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I have to be honest here, if I was still making the same amount of money I was around 2-3 years ago I never would have considered "sugar dating"; mainly because I'm really shy, introverted, I don't even date regularly (let alone sugar) plus I don't really enjoy meeting new people, it just tends to give me a lot of anxiety.

I have always been attracted to guys who are much younger than me. I have never been with or dated someone older than me. I just am NOT attracted to older guys at all. I don't care if they are more wiser, are more well-mannered, have more life experience etc. If that makes me a bit of a "whore" to be considering dating and potentially end up sleeping with someone that I'm not physically attracted then so be it. Labels don't bother me. Even though I prefer younger guys, for "sugar dating" purposes I will still aim exclusively for the older guys, mainly because I think younger SD guys will be more likely to be into pay for play etc. I just think an older guy is better for SD purposes even though I am not into them at all :(

I put a profile up on SA and so far got around 30 responses or so. I'm not sure as to the exact amount because I deleted a ton of them but it's probably somewhere around that number. I automatically delete people who type "What's up" and one liners. I also delete anyone from out of state. I am not into the whole sugar thing enough in order be traveling out of state just to meet someone due to safety concerns and because I live in the area of LA and OC and there are MORE than enough millionaires here, no need to go anywhere else. I guess I'm really picky, I deleted and ignored most of the guys. If they make around 200k a year etc, I also automatically delete them. I am looking for guys who are making at least 400k a year with net worth over 5 mil preferably.

I set up a new g-mail address to chat with the guys. I admit that I'm lazy about writing back. For some reason I don't feel very enthused about writing back to a 40-50 year old man, it's more like a chore to be honest.

What I'm looking for is an allowance. I am aiming for 2k a month because I feel that's realistic. I think 4k is a bit high and I don't need that much in cash unless it's in gift cards and/or gifts. I have already figured out that I prefer my allowance in either cash or a visa gift card (so that I can pay bills with it).

I prefer a SD that is married and has his own life. I don't want to stay overnight and prefer not to travel with the SD. I'm just not comfortable sleeping next to someone if it's not a real-life boyfriend and having him see me in the morning when I'm not all done up etc.

I'm also looking for someone to mentor me. I'm looking for a career change. I am a bit older actually and thinking about going back to school. I was considering nursing for a while but then I read that contrary to belief there isn't really a nurse job shortage and tons of nurses were complaining about being burned out and 12 hour shifts. Then I considered becoming a dental hygienist but I read on a career forum that a lot of hygienists were complaining about carpal tunnel syndrome and back pain plus having to work part-time for different dentists. Reading Babie Bow's blog made me flirt a bit with the idea of being a flight attendant, I just don't think I could deal with the stressful interview process and the 10 year federally mandated background check. They want 10 years of residence and work history with no gaps whatsoever! I used to move around A LOT when I was younger and I seriously don't have record of some of the places I stayed at.

I know that all the high paying careers are in science and medicine. If I was strong in math and science I would not hesitate to study to become a physician's assistant or chemical engineer etc, it's just that math and science are not my strong points. I am very weak in those areas. However, I do not want a degree in English or Political Science etc. I need something that will actually translate into a well-paying career. I was thinking of working in the IT sector and getting certificates such as MCSE etc but I don't know if I could get hired without hands on experience... ?? Teaching is stable but low pay.

I will need a full-time Sugar Daddy for sure if I go back to school in order to help me out with tuition etc. I just don't know what to do with my life right now.

To be honest, I don't even know if I am EVER going to end up meeting the SD I have been talking to via e-mail. I'm a scaredy cat. Meeting people (anyone) just gives me anxiety in general. I have pretty bad social anxiety. I don't think that's very conducive to SD dating. I'm not the type of person that just "goes for it" in life. I just tend to hem and haw for months before doing something.